Spirituality...Examined

There seemed to be a bit of a theme to my day yesterday, Spirituality.  That's kind of unusual for me.  I don't typically spend a whole lot of time focusing on my Higher Power.  For me, I recognize that there is something out there that is bigger than me, but I pretty much leave it at that.  And when it comes to religion...well, I don't do religion.  Don't get me wrong, it fascinates the hell out of me, but in the same way a car accident on the freeway fascinates me.  I suppose it's a morbid fascination.  In the event that I do discuss religion, it's usually in the context of me tearing organized religion to shreds, much to the dismay of some poor, unassuming church goer.  However, yesterday was a different experience entirely.

It began in group therapy.  One of my fellow depression sufferers mentioned that he doesn't believe in a higher power.  He went on to discuss his negative experiences with Roman Catholicism.  This turned into an hour long discussion about religion, spirituality and the belief in a higher power.  Strangely, I found myself arguing for the belief in a higher power (a very unusual position for me).  I was hearing from him an intrinsic association of religion and spirituality, an association I know all too well.  I spent much of my life rejecting anything relating to religion, spirituality and god because they were inseperable.  While, I still choose not use the term god, because I feel that it is too closely associated with an interpretation of a higher power that is held by organized religions, I do feel strongly about the existence of a higher power.  However, it has taken me a lot of soul searching and education to understand the inherent difference between the two concepts, religion and spirituality.  So, I felt for this guy.  But the experience was bigger than that.  I also found myself being able to see eye to eye with a woman, who is very much a Christian ,on the matter of god/higher power speaking to you/showing you the way/the universe giving you a sign or whatever you choose to call it.  And while she spoke of it in terms of praying to god before she read the bible and finding that god will guide her to the writings that she really needs to read at that time, I could understand that in terms of the universe giving me a sign (i.e. coming down with a cold that forces me into bed when I'm already feeling overwhelmed).  I can honestly say, I have never experienced that type of understanding between myself and a religious person when it comes to experiencing ones spirituality.  It was kind of enlightening.

Later that evening, I, along with my mom, sister, niece and a few friends, attended a service at a church where the pastor is a Medium.  Since the passing of my brother-in-law, my family and his have developed a great interest in the ability of Mediums to connect with the dead.  About a week ago, the sister of my brother-in-law, met with a Medium privately.  Her experience with the Medium was very convincing.  The woman communicated with my brother-in-law and revealed to his sister pieces of information that were very specific to my brother-in-law and his death.  So, last night, we decided to try it for ourselves.  The Medium did connect with my brother-in-law, as well as, my maternal grandparents and while it wasn't as convincing as my sister-in-law's experience, it still had me in tears.  I'm still on the fence regarding my faith in the power of Mediums, but I'm certainly considering the possibility.

So, all in all, my day was filled with spiritual awakening, I suppose.  As I wrote that, I found myself cringing at how very cliche it sounds, but for lack of a better term, I'm sticking with spiritual awakening.