Drugs and Depression

I'd like to start this post by mentioning that I took a Xanex about 30 minutes ago.  And for some reason, in spite of my typically high tolerance for drugs (I consider 4 advil to be a minimal dose), Xanex fucks me up.  So, if this post turns out to be an incomprehensible rambling mess, you can't say I didn't warn you.

I grew up with a mother who tended to lean towards the holistic persuasion when it came to health care.  I still remember the first time I took an antibiotic, because it was such a big deal.  It was Christmas.  I was in fourth grade.  I had the worst flu I've ever come down with.  I actually slept through Christmas dinner and present opening festivities.  In my house, when you scraped your knee or got a cat scratch, you went out to the backyard and plucked off a leaf from the aloe plant.  And while my family has become gradually less holistic over the years, the idea of taking anti-depressants was, at first, a little daunting.

When I was first prescribed an anti-depressant, it wasn't for depression at all.  It was to help me quit smoking.  Ya, a lot of good that did.  Well, it worked for awhile.  Then I started having panic attacks, so I got another prescription for a different anti-depressant.  Ironically, however, my depression began not long after that.  I often wonder if the two are connected, but that's neither here nor there.  Since then I've been through my fair share of anti-depressant drug cocktails.

Unfortunately, these drugs aren't exactly magic happy pills.  Each one comes with its own laundry list of side effects.  Some of my favorites include excessive sweating, insomnia and weight gain.  And if you can stand the side effects, you still have to do all the hard work yourself.  But, in spite of all these "perks,"  I swear by them.

You see, there has been more than one incident where I decided that I didn't need those pesky little pills.  Both times I found myself in an intensive outpatient program, jobless and living with my mother.  So, reluctantly, I've come to terms with the fact that anti-depressants and I share an inseparable bond.  And just maybe, we'll live happily ever after together.