Chapter Twenty-Five, Page One

Sixteen days ago, I turned 25.  I found myself kicking and screaming my way to my birthday this year.  I felt scared.  As though turning 25 meant I was officially an adult.  Adulthood means mailboxes filled with bills, dull staff meetings and endless responsibilities.  And, honestly, who wants that?  On the other hand, I felt unprepared for this so called milestone.  Unprepared in the sense that I don't yet fit the description of  an 'adult.'  In fact, I think I was doing a better job of fitting the bill at age 20 than I do now.

You see, four years ago, I was a full-time student at a highly esteemed four-year college, a highly paid swimming pool manager, the owner of a new car, in a serious, long term relationship and living on my own.  From the outside, I was pretty damned successful for a 21 year old and my prospects looked bright.  Unfortunately, from the inside, the view was very different.  On the inside, I was quickly slipping into a  deep, dark depression.  Within a few months, my life had fallen apart.  I had quit school and moved back home.  I've been battling depression ever since.

So, as I turned 25, I looked at my life...living at home with my mother, out of work, on state disability and in a treatment program for depression and anxiety.  Not exactly what I want to put on my next resume.

But I realized, it's okay and I'm probably not the only one.

Hence, my motivation for starting this blog.  Well, I suppose it's threefold.  First and foremost, it's selfish really.  Writing is a great outlet and journaling has been recommended to me by many, both professional and otherwise.  I chose to start a blog, rather than journal privately for two reasons.  One, I like the prospect of getting feedback on my writing.  And two, for the sake of all the other people out there, particularly young adults, who suffer from depression.  There's such a taboo surrounding depression that it too often goes undiscussed.  Also, due to the anti-social nature of the illness, I think the internet is a great venue for depression suffers to connect with one another.

My intention is not to focus entirely on depression as an illness, but more to use this blog as an outlet for my feelings as I journey through this battle.  I'll probably end up writing a lot about day-to-day stuff.  And when it comes down to it, that's really the heart of this battle - to learn how to handle all the mundane day-to-day mumbo-jumbo in a healthy, productive way.

So, I encourage you to offer your feedback and pass this blog on to others.