At the suggestion of a close friend who also suffers from depression, I decided to discuss the idea of going on Adderall with my psychiatrist. No, I don't have ADD and I don't have a test to cram for. It turns out, that Adderall is sometimes prescribed to depression sufferers to help compensate for the loss of energy that often occurs. My psychiatrist, who has been listening to me moan about my constant lack of energy for the last 4 years or so, was very responsive to the idea. After a run down on how addictive it can be, why I shouldn't hand it out to my friends and a warning that pharmasists have a habit of giving Adderall takers the third degree, she wrote me a prescription.
So I marched off to my local Walmart, generic Adderall prescription in hand, and braced for the barage of questions I had been warned may come. Instead, I was met with, "Oh, we're gonna have to order that. We'll have it in a week." and "By the way, that'll be $60." Excuuuuse me? You see, I had intentionally marched my health insurance deprived ass into Walmart lured by the advertised $4 generic prescriptions. Apparently, there's a wee bit of fine print they fail to put on those big ol' signs hanging all over the pharmacy section, fine print that excludes Adderall. So, what was a Disability Insurance dependent gal to do? March my butt home, muttering to myself about this country's severe need for universal healthcare, and start calling every pharmacy in town advertising low cost generic prescriptions. I settled upon Costco, who quoted me $30 for the prescription they would have to order and could be picked up in 5 days. So, approximately one week after getting the prescription, I finally had the pills in hand.
Now, 6 days into my prescription, I'm feeling better than I have in years. I have energy and not in short spurts followed by a sudden need to nap, but energy that lasts all day. Today, I actually got into a "cleaning mood," something I haven't done since before the depression. I enthusiastically cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and I didn't even need a nap afterward. I can't even explain how happy this makes me. In the years that I've dealt with depression, the severity of the depression itself has varied and while my energy would increase somewhat during the periods when I was feeling pretty good, it seemed that regardless of how good I was feeling, my energy level never returned to what it was prior to the onset of depression. It is a problem that has plagued me. During the times when I was well enough to work and be generally productive, I had difficulty maintaining my schedule because I would become tired so easily. The exhaustion would lead to feelings of being overwhelmed which, in turn, would lead to the inevitable return of my depression. As a result, I have remained trapped in a vicious cycle. Over time, I have grown increasingly frustrated by the problem. It has held me back from once again balancing work, school and a social life.
While the medication is still new to my system and the results may change over time, I am very happy with the results I have experienced thus far and can only hope that it will continue to be so helpful. On the other hand, I worry that I will never be able to achieve this without Adderall. I would rather not be dependent upon any medication to function. My hope is that the Adderall will provide me with the jump start that I need to get back into the swing of things and that at some point down the line I can slowly wean off of the medication and my body will be able to compensate. Furthermore, Adderall is a highly addictive drug. Its generic name is Amphetamine Salts. In lay man's terms, prescription speed. Oh goody. But I'm gonna take it one day at a time and make the most of the energy I have, while I have it.
